Candice Watters answered some questions from girls at the Boundless Webzine. This is her response when asked, “Why aren’t more Christian men out there looking for Christian wives?”
“Now for your…question, why aren’t the men looking? Well, that’s a complicated one. There’s the problem of our culture that glorifies extended adolescence and the “freedom” of being single. Few, if any, examples exist that model healthy, rewarding, Godly marriage. Then there’s the lack of encouragement and expectations from friends, parents and even the church to marry well. Most guys simply haven’t been told that marriage is something they should pursue. Finally (keep in mind this is the simplified list), most women in a guy’s universe are content to date recreationally and remain “just friends” indefinitely.
It’s not that men have changed — they’ve always needed incentives to commit to one woman for life — but the standards have been lowered. Until the women in a community (church, university, office, peer group, etc.) band together to raise a new standard of “no intimacy, friendship or otherwise, without the commitment of serious dating toward marriage,” guys will settle for getting their needs met outside of marriage.
The good news is that as single women, there are things you and your friends can do — actions you can take — that may improve your lot. Stop settling for friendships that feel like dating relationships but aren’t. Stop giving away pieces of your heart without being asked. Stop being intimate — physically or emotionally — with men who are not your husband. Start insisting that to gain intimacy, men must act honorably, state their intentions and initiate official relationships with the goal being marriage.
I pray God will encourage you that there is much young women can do to help the situation, and that He will give you the wisdom to do it.”
After hearing of our culture’s problem of not valuing marriage, we should be so greatful that our church, and specifically Pastor Matt, has labored to teach us to value marriage and to pursue it. Her thoughts about the friendships we girls have with guys are definitely worth considering in our hearts. Are we letting them have our hearts and intimacy without committment?
If you’d like to read the rest of her Q&A, click here.
Also if you’re interested in this topic, check out an article that Candice references called “Not Your Buddy.”
