Relational pride and humility

I’m finally reading through Gary and Betsy Ricucci’s marriage book, Love That Lasts.  I’ve been meaning to read through it for a few years now.  It’s full of biblical encouragement, personal examples, and practical insights.

Here’s a section I read to my wife just this morning.  This excerpt alone, as they say, is “worth the price of the book”.

  • Pride loves to talk, reveling in every self-exalting form of self-expression
  • Pride is quite content with what it already knows.
  • Pride assumes I already understand everything I need to.
  • Pride assumes I don’t need help.
  • Pride sinfully judges others by assuming they will respond negatively or unhelpfully if I am open.
  • Pride uses conversation as broadcast time.
  • Pride doesn’t need a spouse, just an audience.
  • Pride denies what the gospel reveals about our seriously sinful condition (Proverbs 10:19; Gal 5:17)

Whenever Betsy poses a question or concern about my tone of voice, manner of speech, or choice of words, and my first response is to “explain” or “defend” rather than ask a lot of questions about what she heard, invariably I am confirming her concern and am guilty of pride.In contrast humility yearns to learn, because it recognizes its deficiencies (Prov 12:15).

  • Humility asks questions and loves dialogue.
  • Humility has never found someone it couldn’t learn something from.
  • Humility assumes there is always more to learn about anything.
  • Humility assumes I need others.
  • Humility would rather be open and vulnerable than closed and independent.
  • Humility uses conversation with a spouse to explore new worlds.
  • Humility puts energy and effort into listening.
  • Humility treats a spouse as a fellow traveler on the road of biblical wisdom.
  • Humility that leads to intimacy takes an interest in one’s spouse as a gift from God.
  • Humility believes what the gospel says about our desperate need for God and his grace – after we’re saved as well as before.     -Gary and Betsy Ricucci, Love That Lasts, p.70-71

Sex, marriage, & cultural currents

Alex Chediak’s article over at The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) needs no introduction.  Very insightful.

In the latest issue of World magazine, Megan Basham reviews romantic comedy He’s Just Not That Into You (rated PG-13 for sexual content and some strong language).  I’ve not seen it, but I am not surprised to learn that the film is nothing other than the latest variation on the same, worn theme of aggressive, independent women chasing men into their late 20s and early 30s, hoping against hope that they will somehow earn the unwavering love, commitment and respect for which they so deeply (and painfully) long.  They are mainly unsuccessful, as the film’s title suggests, as these men are “just not that into them.”  Basham explains:

“Behind the laughs, and, indeed, the film’s popularity, is an unspoken question: What left women in such a precarious position? Why do we so rarely see romantic comedies that show men pursuing women anymore, as opposed to merely ‘realizing’ they’re in love two-thirds of the way through the film?”

What’s changed, Basham goes on to insightfully explain, is that women are now “liberated from the social norm of saving sex for marriage” which means that men are free to approach their pursuit of women as a quest for physical and relational intimacy apart from any long-term, binding commitment.  They can enjoy sexual intimacy without being “stuck” with a particular woman, so they in turn grow more “stuck” in passivity, unwilling to exert sacrificial energy for their woman, unable to savor the joy that only a lifelong, binding, monogamous relationship can cultivate.

Moreover, given the abundance of women willing to play by these rules, many men feel justified in scornfully regarding a woman for even wanting marriage and family.  In the film, the character Beth (Jennifer Aniston) is afraid to bring up marriage with her seven-year, live-in boyfriend because she doesn’t want to seem “clingy or psycho.”

The 80% female audience ought to be left with the inescapable conclusion: trading hearts and bodies for the temporary affection of men is a losing proposition. On the other hand, the confident, steadfast reservation of sex for marriage results in a woman attracting the right kind of man – a man who will lay down his life to earn her respect and win her love.  Sadly, the movie’s ending suggests that the four love-hungry protagonists can have their cake and eat it too.  Only in the movies, folks.

A much-coveted description

Several months ago, I watched an interview between Mark Driscoll and John Piper.  Piper demonstrates remarkable candor and humility as he discusses his upbringing, his marital challenges, his failures in parenting.  Deeply provoking.

At the outset of the interview, Driscoll asked him about primary personal influences in his life.  He began with his father and gave this much-coveted description … “the happiest man I’ve ever met.”

Upon hearing those words I experienced a mixture of aching and longing.  Oh, to be that kind of man!

Conflict

Do you ever struggle with feelings of frustration with those are around you? Or have recurring agitation with situations that feel out of your control?

Be encouraged, you are not alone – there is MUCH hope.

I was recently listening to C.J. Mahaney’s message at the New Attitude 2004 Conference – Cravings and Conflict and was convicted at how quickly I get desensitized to the severity of my own sin, especially in my attitudes and actions toward others. As C.J. puts it: “Relational conflict is inevitable…it’s worse than you think…it’s simpler than you think.”

What a helpful message! I am truly thankful for C.J.’s openness in regards to his own relational conflicts in this message. He has reminded me that I am not the lone ranger. This message is both refreshing and convicting. Fresh conviction is a sweet-pain for me, which is usually followed by God given change. When that change occurs, I am sure it affords a sigh of relief to those who live in close proximity to me and who are more acquainted with the far reaching affects of my sin than I am. So get acquainted with the book of James and the Lord’s assessment of conflict. (Your loved ones will be glad that you did.)

CCEF review of Fireproof

The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF), among other things, provides some of the most helpful resources on a whole range of issues related to biblical counseling.  The motto is “Restoring Christ to Counseling and Counseling to the Church”.  The books, articles, and conferences they generate certainly advance that motto!  I haven’t read anything from these friends which has not proved immensely helpful for my growth in understanding how God’s truth meets troubled people.

When church members ask what kind of resources I might recommend, the CCEF materials are usually among the first that come to mind.

So, a sum up to my CCEF plug:  Check out their website, read the books and articles.  If possible, donate to the ministry.

Now, about Fireproof.  Winston Smith is one of many staffers and teachers for CCEF.  I’ve listened to some of his teaching on marriage.  Very helpful.  So, when I came across his review of Fireproof, I was all ears.  If you’ve not seen Fireproof and have been somewhat ‘put off’ by hearing about things like a guy’s effort to save his marriage by drawing up a list of 40 to do’s, then you might be surprised to read Smith’s assessment of the movie.

Antipsalm 23

David Powlison has written a series of articles for Boundless Webzine called Sane Faith. In part one he presents the “Antipsalm”.  Most of us have seasons where we can relate. I am thankful that the article doesn’t end with the problem but reveals the cause and by God’s grace, the remedy.

I’m on my own.
No one looks out for me or protects me.
I experience a continual sense of need. Nothing’s quite right.
I’m always restless. I’m easily frustrated and often disappointed.
It’s a jungle — I feel overwhelmed. It’s a desert — I’m thirsty.
My soul feels broken, twisted, and stuck. I can’t fix myself.
I stumble down some dark paths.
Still, I insist: I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want.
But life’s confusing. Why don’t things ever really work out?
I’m haunted by emptiness and futility — shadows of death.
I fear the big hurt and final loss.
Death is waiting for me at the end of every road,
but I’d rather not think about that.
I spend my life protecting myself. Bad things can happen.
I find no lasting comfort.
I’m alone … facing everything that could hurt me.
Are my friends really friends?
Other people use me for their own ends.
I can’t really trust anyone. No one has my back.
No one is really for me — except me.
And I’m so much all about ME, sometimes it’s sickening.
I belong to no one except myself.
My cup is never quite full enough. I’m left empty.
Disappointment follows me all the days of my life.
Will I just be obliterated into nothingness?
Will I be alone forever, homeless, free-falling into void?
Sartre said, “Hell is other people.”
I have to add, “Hell is also myself.”
It’s a living death,
and then I die.

HT: Justin Taylor

Ears to Hear for Soul Revival

It is so important that we know of the lives of the godly men that have gone before us and blazed a trail that leads us and points to the glory of God. John Piper studies and teaches on the lives of these men – “Men of Whom the World Was Not Worthy”.

These messages have been most treasured through times of difficulty. Those seasons when it feels as though I cannot find the oxygen necessary for breathing…when I am gasping for air and my focus is on me. God has used the lives of these men to pull up my chin, and bring my eyes to gaze upon Him – to look upward, instead of inward. God has used these messages to revive my soul.

I have also found it most helpful to learn from these saints during seasons of plenty and peace, to prepare myself for the change of seasons that seems to be inevitable.

So pull up a chair, download some messages, and pray that the Lord would open your ears for messages of hope.

(We seem to have a Piper theme lately on the Girls Pivot Blog…I like it.)

Idolatry and Covetousness

This great article from John Piper opens our eyes to how easily good desires can turn into covetousness. We know that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10) and we need to be aware that he is more than happy to use our own sinful cravings to contaminate what the Lord has meant for our good. Here are a couple of excerpts:

“Covetousness” means desiring something other than God in the wrong way. But what does that mean—“in the wrong way”?

The reason this matters is both vertical and horizontal. Idolatry will destroy our relationship with God. And it will destroy our relationships with people.

So check out the “12 Ways to Recognize the Rise of Covetousness”.

Twitter…

…up until today, I was not a fan.  I didn’t see it as anything useful, but only as a potential time gobbler, but then enter: John Piper.  He is on Twitter and his reason why is just as Christ exalting as anything else that I have ever read by Piper.  Here is a snippet:

I’ve been tweeting anonymously for a month mainly to test its spiritual and family effects on me. In spite of all the dangers, it seems like a risk worth taking. “All things were created through Christ and for Christ” (Colossians 1:16). The world does not know it, but that is why Twitter exists and that’s why I Tweet.

HT: Justin Taylor

Exposed!

I found this great article by Mary Kassian at Girls Gone Wise ( I really like that title).

She’s an assertive, self-assured woman, and she’s perfected the subtle art of attracting men. She knows how to flirt with her eyes, seductively tilt her head, and position her body in a provocative way. She’s a classy dresser who chooses her wardrobe carefully – curve-hugging clothes that reveal just the right amount of skin. Tempting, but not distasteful. High heels are a must. Especially with those tight designer jeans.

Her closet needs constant replenishment. Clothes, jackets, shoes, jewelry, accessories, handbags. And she doesn’t neglect her beauty regime. Make-up, manicured nails, styled & highlighted hair, tanned skin, whitened teeth… creams, lotions, perfumes. Magazines keep her up to date with the latest advice on interacting with men. She’s become an expert at playful banter and innuendo. She goes to church and Bible Study, but her commitment to God is superficial.  Her deepest desire is to be sexy, powerful, and alluring.

Who is this woman?…find out here

HT: titus2talk