Relational pride and humility

I’m finally reading through Gary and Betsy Ricucci’s marriage book, Love That Lasts.  I’ve been meaning to read through it for a few years now.  It’s full of biblical encouragement, personal examples, and practical insights.

Here’s a section I read to my wife just this morning.  This excerpt alone, as they say, is “worth the price of the book”.

• Pride loves to talk, reveling in every self-exalting form of self-expression
• Pride is quite content with what it already knows.
• Pride assumes I already understand everything I need to.
• Pride assumes I don’t need help.
• Pride sinfully judges others by assuming they will respond negatively or unhelpfully if I am open.
• Pride uses conversation as broadcast time.
• Pride doesn’t need a spouse, just an audience.
• Pride denies what the gospel reveals about our seriously sinful condition (Proverbs 10:19; Gal 5:17)

Whenever Betsy poses a question or concern about my tone of voice, manner of speech, or choice of words, and my first response is to “explain” or “defend” rather than ask a lot of questions about what she heard, invariably I am confirming her concern and am guilty of pride.In contrast humility yearns to learn, because it recognizes its deficiencies (Prov 12:15).

• Humility asks questions and loves dialogue.
• Humility has never found someone it couldn’t learn something from.
• Humility assumes there is always more to learn about anything.
• Humility assumes I need others.
• Humility would rather be open and vulnerable than closed and independent.
• Humility uses conversation with a spouse to explore new worlds.
• Humility puts energy and effort into listening.
• Humility treats a spouse as a fellow traveler on the road of biblical wisdom.
• Humility that leads to intimacy takes an interest in one’s spouse as a gift from God.
• Humility believes what the gospel says about our desperate need for God and his grace – after we’re saved as well as before.     -Gary and Betsy Ricucci, Love That Lasts, p.70-71

Smitten with Jesus

Pastor Scotty Smith now has a blog on The Gospel Coalition website.  It’s unique contribution is that the posts are prayers.  They are loaded with gospel-insights and biblical truth.  I haven’t read one yet that doesn’t stir the soul.

Quiet Fanatics

From Ray Ortlund’s blog, Christ is Deeper Still:

“It is a growing conviction of mine that no parish can fulfill its true function unless there is at the very center of its leadership life a small community of quietly fanatic, changed and truly converted Christians.  The trouble with most parishes is that nobody, including the pastor, is really greatly changed. . . .

We do not want ordinary men.  Ordinary men cannot win the brutally pagan life of a city like New York for Christ.  We want quiet fanatics.”

John Heuss, Our Christian Vocation (Greenwish, 1955), pages 15-16.

My potential spouse's sexual past: to know or not?

How and when should a couple talk about “the past”?  It’s a thorny question.  Dr. Russell Moore handles it beautifully, relating the tragedies of sin to the power of the gospel.  If you wrestle with this or counsel people who do, this is a must read.

How do I find "the one"?

It’s the most frequent practical question I hear in college/singles ministry.  It has the ability to tie people in knots like no other.

I’ve said this before, but the most helpful resource I’m aware of on sorting through these conundrums is Kevin DeYoung’s Just Do Something.  DeYoung walks through the maze and helps the reader discern what kinds of questions to ask and when you’re verging on the unhelpful extremes of spiritual subjectivism.

Here is a very short interview with Kevin DeYoung on the issue of finding the right spouse.

What NOT to say to those who are suffering

In this brief post, Ed Welch talks about how to come alongside people who are going through trials.  He makes very helpful comments about the difference between questions that are “orthodox” and questions that are “orthodox and pastoral/edifying“.  Taking Welch’s wisdom to heart could go a long way in bringing support and encouragement to our friends who are going through hard times.

Vintage Powlison on "Why me?"

Another gem from Justin Taylor’s blog.  How often I find myself lacking words for how grateful I am to God for David Powlison.  He is a man who has suffered and has dedicated his life to helping others in suffering.

What this passage "means to me"

From Thabiti Anyabwile’s post entitled, ‘What It Means to Me’:

That little sentence has been the death of many well-meaning attempts to understand the Bible.  “What it means to me” ruins our understanding because it decapitates the intent of the original author.  What matters first and primarily is “what did it mean to John or Paul or Luke or whoever wrote Hebrews.”  What did the author intend to communicate.  That’s first base in biblical interpretation and its the guard rail that keeps us from driving off into the wilderness of subjectivity and a million swamps of private interpretation.

And, ultimately, we’re concerned to know what the Author–God Himself–intends to communicate with us.  If we’re hasty to rewrite the Bible with our own thoughts, we’ll ultimately write God right out of it.  A premature “what it means to me” takes the pen out of God’s hand and dips it in the ink of our puny intellectual, emotional, social, psychological and usually idolatrous wells.

Read the whole post.

If Jack Bauer was your pastor…

Stephen Altrogge loves Jesus, the gospel, the local church, preaching, writing helpful books (actually, for the time being, book), and writing great songs that serve churches all over the place.  He also has serious comedic gifting.  Most of the time he’s just shooting from the hip making people laugh with his random facebook status updates.

Here Stephen imagines what it would be like to be pastored by Jack Bauer.

Don't massage in church!

About this time last year the PAMIC (People Against Massage In Church) became more or less formalized as blogger, Prodigal Jon, wrote a manifesto summoning fellow non-massagers to unite.  The four main articles go as follows:

1. The difference between a pat and a massage.
We recognize and respect the need to pat someone on the back. Sometimes, it’s good to say “Hi” or “Good job” or “Your chair is currently resting on my big toe” with a small tap on the back. We support that. But when you pat more than four times and then linger, you have now crossed into massage territory my friend. And you’re about to find yourself on the other end of a “PAMIC Attack.”

2. Circles are great for cheerios, not church.
We recognize and respect the need to lay a hand on someone as you say hello or want to show your spouse support during a prayer. But when you start rubbing in a circle, a square or any other geometrical shape, you are now giving a massage. That’s not a big deal right? Wrong. Your rotating hand is creating what we call a “circle of distraction.” People around you will not be able to focus on the sermon as they instead become hypnotized by watching you. God hates that. It’s in Numbers or Exodus I think.

3. There are consequences if you try to massage us.
The members of PAMIC are attractive and funny and Godly and often smell very nice. Please don’t get confused by those four things and think it’s OK to ever give us a back or neck rub during church. If you do, we can’t be held responsible if you suddenly find yourself in some sort of karate arm bar lock, a sleeper hold or at the bottom of a wicked leg drop.

4. Don’t confuse not loving in church massages with not loving life, Jesus, our spouses etc.
You will assume, based on our plans to rid all churches, in all countries of “during church massages,” that we are not loving people. That perhaps you are rubbing someone’s neck as an act of worship or praise or affection. And that members of PAMIC are not into any of those things. That is adorable. It’s possible we held hands with our spouses as we walked into church. We might give back rubs at home. We could be amazing “snugglers” but when it comes to touching folks at church, we follow the Bible. And there’s not a single example of someone in the Bible giving someone else a neck or back rub while Jesus taught. I dare you to find me a verse that show someone massaging someone else while they listened to the Sermon on the Mount for instance.

Carolyn McCulley adds her voice along with a word at the end to make sure people don’t freak out and get serious/ugly about the issue.

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