This is pure gold from Dr. Ray Van Neste on maturity and manhood. I found it convicting (especially his remarks on whining and complaining) and provoking. I think you will appreciate the wisdom here and the pull-no-punches style of Van Neste’s appeal. Let me whet your appetite with a few selected portions.
Here’s a slice from his thoughts on the question of when to pursue marriage:
I know some have told you that the way to take leadership, step up, progress in manhood is to get married. However, I must differ. Marriage is the last thing some of you need to be thinking of just now. You need to grow up first. I affirm what I think these others are getting at- start preparing yourself for marriage. Move Halo down your list of priorities in order to begin thinking about what sort of vocation you will pursue, how you’re going to pay your bills, etc. But much progress in this may be needed before you really start looking for a wife. If you are not right now getting your class work done, and fulfilling your comparatively light responsibilities as a single student then don’t even consider the prospects of marriage. Instead start working on growing up.
On work, laziness and work-aholism…
Expect to work. That is what God made you for. Reject laziness. See laziness not merely as a foible but as damnable sin, a dangerous cancer that can eat away your soul. Laziness and avoidance of work is a typical sin for men so wage a particularly diligent and merciless war against it in your own soul.
Yes, work-aholism is another error that affects men, but the answer is not laziness. In fact work-aholism is often a way of avoiding the really challenging work of caring for and leading one’s wife and children.
Work is good and ennobling. If this is not the way you think, change your thinking to adopt this biblical view. Reject the “live for the weekend” mentality. Instead, begin asking God and godly leaders what work He has put you here for. Find you calling. Yes, I know He created you for His glory, to be in relationship with Him and with others. But he also made you to work. For what task were you created? What work will you commit yourself to? You need to have some clear thoughts about this (not a full blueprint) before you can seriously consider marriage. Before you should take a wife you need to know where you’re taking her. You need to know what you intend to do in life. Of course God sometimes shifts things, and things change. But you need to have a goal. You need to know, to the best of your ability, under God, and in concert with godly, wise counsel, where you are headed.
The LCC pastors are sensing the need to rally the men of our church this coming year and, in stronger ways, to urge them to step up and, by God’s grace, press on towards God’s great purposes for us as men.
